Hiya!

It’s Debbie here again!

Down the College, there’s another old geezer (40 if he’s a day) who teaches us English. He’s called Mr Fortescue. We call him Old Fort (though not everybody gets that bit right!) and he comes to college on his bike. We sometimes pass him when we’re on the bus and, if he’s upset us in class, we get our own back by droppin humbugs on him out the top deck window! ‘Very apposite’, as Old Fort might say (that is if it wasn’t is head we were dropping em on!)

Anyway Fort is always bangin on about Shakespeare. (He calls ‘im’ ‘the Bard’ - not ’Old Bill’ like we do.) He reckons that Shakespeare wrote about timeless events and about aspects of human nature that are still relevant today. (You can make a note of that, if you like - under ‘Debbie’s Words of Wisdom’!) So, I suppose that Titus Andronicus, who we call ‘Old Tite’ of course (‘and move right down the bus please’!), might even turn up next week as a story-line for Eastenders! Stranger things ‘ave ‘appened! Just hope they don’t eat the meat pies!

Anyway, it’s time for some more proper ‘text 2 yer fone’ learnin. Here’s a new Eng. Lit. textin lesson for yer. It’s quite long, but more of that later on.

LESSONS STR8 2 YR FONE - LESSON 4 (With thanks again to my mate Steve Martin of PPS Portal)

HEADING BCK HOME 2 HIS GAFF BIG MAC & BNQO STOP 4 A BITE. BLDNG HECK, SKIP THE SOUP. AVE U SEEN THE RECIPE? AND THEM SISTERS READIN T LEAVES & STUFF. BEST NOT MEET THEM 3 AGAIN.

MNWHILE, ER INDOORS AT THE GAFF IS IN A BT OF A STATE COS KING DUNC IS CMMN FOR T. ALSO COS HER HSBND BIG MAC IS RTER KING DUNCS JOB.

ANYWY AFTER T EVRY 1 IS A BIT BRAHMS ON ACCNT OF WAT SHE PUT IN THE WINE. THEN SHE & BIG MAC DECIDE 2 DO IN KING DNC WITH A BREAD KNIFE. (OK - DGGR, WHO CRS!) SO BIG MAC CN BE KNG (KING SIZED BIG MAC, HA HA!!)

THN AFTR MAC IS MDE KING THY ALL HVE A BIT OF A KNEES UP BT MAC GETS SPUKED BY THE GHOST OF B&QO AND SO HE GS OFF TO SEE THE 3 WEIRD SSTRS AGN. THY SY NT 2 WRRY COS HE CANT BE KLLD BY ANY MN BRN OF WMN ND THN NOT TILL BRNM WD COMES TO DNSNANE

ANYWAY 2 CT A LNG STRY SHORT (U C THERE YER GO AGN BILL!) MACDUFF WITH DUNC’S SON MALC IS CUMMIN 2 GIT BIG MAC. THN TURNS RT MCDFF WS NT BRN OF WMN BT BY CSRIAN SECSHN (WRK THAT 1 OUT. BEATS ME!) & ALSO BRNHM WOOD IS WNDRIN ARND AND CUMMIN UP THE DRIVE AS CAMMERFLGE FOR MALC & MCDFF’S ARMY. SO SDDNLY EVRYBDY GETS 2 B DED AND NBDY GETS 2 B HPPY EVR ARTER! THAT’S THE END.

(JEEZ BILL! DO TRY 2 DO A HPPY NDNG NXT TIME!)

Got all that? Well done!

(Incidentally, if you think that story is too long for a mobile phone, then you obviously need a new phone! Nowadays, phones aint just for makin phone calls . Yer mobile is not just yer best friend. It’s yer essental Eng. Lit. study aid. So just dump that old brick you’ve been usin, and get a proper new phone today!)

And remember, if you’ve got any proper Eng. Lit. texts of yer own to share with me and my mates, send yer stuff to debbiesdiary@pps-portal.com

Bye for now.

Love

Debbie

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Hiya!

Down the college, right? We have this new French teacher. He’s called Mr Francois but we all call im Frank! Anyway he left his mobile on the desk on Friday and I got is number so I could send him a text – to sorta cheer im up, yea, because they’re all a bit miserable, these foreigners, innit!

Thought I’d say “C U 2NITE FRNK 4 A DRNK DWN THE DOG & DUCK”. Then I thought I’d be posh and send it in French, and that’s when the real trouble started! Now, I could do the “Chien & Canard” bit, but blooming heck, how can yer do proper textin in foreign? They just don’t have any proper words for textin do they. Yer cant do WATS 4T 2NITE except in English. No bleedin wonder they’re all learning English. It’s so they can do proper textin, innit.

If anyone out there knows how to do proper textin in Foreign, I think they should email me some instructions. I suppose avec 3 could be avec toi but that don’t get you very far, do it?

Anyway never mind all that foreign stuff. I’ve got a new Eng. Lit. textin lesson for yer in English. It’s a bit longer than the last one, so get yer cranium round this one and work out wot it is and who wrote it. Yer don’t get no prizes for solving the puzzle. Just that smug feelin that yer know how to do proper textin and get Eng. Lit. learned at the same time.

LESSONS STR8 2 YR FONE – LESSON 3 (With thanks, this time, to my mate Steve Martin of PPS Portal)

Y THIS OLD GEEZR RDNG SHEEP INRDS (DNT RSK, MAYB SUN & MIRROR SLD RT & AOL ON BLNK) ANYWY 4CS 4TENT OF DOOM 4 TOP MAN @ SEN8. WARNS IM - DNT GO WIVRT MNDER AND UZI, OR AT LST BIG LMP OF 4B2. TOP MAN SEZ LEAVE IT RT M8. JUS GOTTER GO 4 IMPORTANT DEB8 RT OF RESPEC 4 OLD M8s & MCKRS. & PLZ NO SLAGN OFF ER INDOORS COS SHE IS BYND THE PORCH. THEN AT SEN8 GOIN UP APPLES & PEARS AARGHHH E GTS MUGD & STBBD 2 DTH BY OLD M8S & MCKRS (WIV M8s LIKE THAT – I ARSK YOU ……) FNLLY WITH DYIN BRTH REMINDS OLD CHUM BRUTUS ABT FAVE POP GRP U2.

Got it? Well done! Good on yer!

Now, if you’ve got any proper Eng. Lit. texts of yer own to share with me and my mates, send yer stuff to debbiesdiary@pps-portal.com

Bye for now.

Love

Debbie

Hiya!

Yes it’s me again. Well it wouldn’t be Samuel Pepys or Pliny the bleedin Younger now, would it?

Now, here’s an important question for yer. Who said “brevity is the soul of wit”?

Well, believe it or not it was that William Shakespeare – or ‘Old Bill’ as I like to call him. And he penned those words (or ‘quilled’ em, more likely) just before he started bangin on about this n that for about another three hundred pages! (Practice what yer preach, Bill, says I.)

Anyroad, I plan to put a stop to all that verbal incontinence. We need proper English, like wot it is spoke today, without all them wherefores and whithers and whences, and doublets and bodkins and stuff. And what’s more my thinkin is this - if yer can’t fit it on a mobile phone its too bleedin long.

Anyway ere’s yer second lesson in Debbies new Eng. Lit. It’s a longer text message than the first one – seein as you’ve now got into the swing of it.

Remember, what you ave to do is work out the title of the book, play, or what-have-you, and then decide who wrote it. Who knows, it might be our mate Old Bill. But that might be too easy.

_______________

LESSONS STR8 2 YR FONE – LESSON 2 (With thanks again to Melissa Katsoulis in The Times)

AD, LOOK , S8AN BASICLY SED 2 REIGN IN HL 2 SRVE IN HVN,
RITE, N WNTED 2 CM ERE 2 EDN (N SUPID ANGEL URL SHOWS
IM INNIT), BT BASICLY E WRNT XPECTNG 2 FACE DA XTRA
BDASS LUV OF GD INNIT! SO DNT WRRY YEH, U’LL B OK.

LUV RAF I L.
_______________

Right so thats my bit for today innit. And anyway I cant be writin all the bleedin lessons. So you folk out there need to get you fingers out and do some proper textin. And send your stuff to debbiesdiary@pps-portal.com so I can get teachers to send proper lessons to peoples phones instead of poncin around in classrooms all the time. (You ave to email your stuff to me cos I don’t want you pokin around in me diary while I,m out wiv me mates innit.)

Bye for now.

Love

Debbie

Hiya!

My name’s Debbie and I’ve just started this new online diary. (I think Debbie’s Diary sounds quite classy, dont you?. At first it was going to be called Barbara’s Blog, but then my sister would of ad to of done it, and she can’t write for toffee! Anyway she as’nt ad an idea since she was three. So there you go, innit!)

Anyroad, this is going to be a proper educational diary. You smart buggers will all be dead, surprised, to find, I am much better educated than wot people think. But anyone who has failed 15 GCSEs has to have something about her, innit!

So I got this great idea yesterday (Just after tryn some of my Gran’s Sanatogen wine. She says it elps er wiv er crossword too!) And this is it.

DEBBIE’S BIG IDEA

I fink like the mobile phone is definitely ere to stay. That’s cos it as slots of uses (like one of them swiss army knives.) You can get it to wake you up in the morning, tell yer when yer maths lesson’s finished, phone yer mates, do proper textin, and take pics as well. (No, not on one of them bleedin knives, you berk, its on the phone innit!) So its’ a pretty cool tool. That bein the cause, teachers should definitely use it as a proper educateonal tool instead of tryin to confuscate it in the classroom all the time.

I want mobile phone textin to be compulsery - specially for Eng Lit which is really really boring innit? And when my new scheme is introduced, teachers will be able to be like real people and send proper lessons to yer phone instead of bangin on all the time in a classroom. Then lessons will ave to be short and sweet because of the cost of textin. And long words will also be out of order too, which cant be bad. Ere’s an example of proper educational textin wot I found in the Times newspaper last year and saved it because it was like cool!

(I can hear you arskin what someone like me is doin readin the Times Newspaper? Well, woss goin on? Bloody cheek! I’m allowed to eat fish and chips just like posh people aint I , and our chippy down the street is always runnin out of the Mirror and the Sun innit. And sometimes I have to lower me standards and ave me chips out of a greasy old Times, and sometimes people in the Times even talk sense - well only now and again innit!)

Anyway ere’s yer first lesson in Debbies new Eng. Lit. It’s just a short text message - just to get you into the swing innit. What you ave to do is work out the title of the book, play, or what-have-you, and then decide who wrote it. (Well, he wouldnt of writ it quite like this, now would he, seein as they didnt have mobile phones an all in them days. Probably did it with one o them quill pens - or even bleedin smoke signals, I shouldnt wonder!)

_______________

LESSONS STR8 2 YR FONE – LESSON 1 (With thanks to Melissa Katsoulis in The Times)

BOZ SEZ: WOZ NITE B4 XMAS N SDNLY “WOOOOOO AM GST XMAS PST! LK WOT OL GIT U R! SRT IT OUT M8” & NXT DAY LO N BHLD IT’S FGGY PUD 4 ALL (INC T-T)
_______________

Right so thats my bit for today innit. And anyway I cant be writin all the bleedin lessons. So some of you clever buggers out there need to get you fingers out and do some proper textin. And send your stuff to debbiesdiary@pps-portal.com so I can get teachers to send proper lessons to peoples phones instead of poncin around in classrooms all the time.

Bye for now.

Love

Debbie